Still, to do that, I’m-a gonna have to give you my quickie
review of the first film.
Avatar
A group of nasty, self-entitled, White Colonials travel across the galaxy to new planet to seize a power source from the sacred ground of the indigenous peoples. Only the hi-tech, highly militarized, Colonials get their collective asses kicked by the lo-tech (bow-and-arrow) indigenous peoples and are sent packing.
Fifteen years later, those same nasty, self-entitled, White Colonials (pissed that they got their collective asses kicked) travel back across the galaxy in order to seize a brand-new power source from sacred creatures of the indigenous peoples. Once again, they get their collective asses kicked, only this time in water.
For my next trick, as Cameron has announced several more Avatar
films (one every two years from now to eternity and beyond, just like James
Bond). So I’m going to (precognitively) deliver my reviews of the next six projected
Avatar films.
The nasty, self-entitled, White Colonials (who are still
living on Pandora) attempt to seize another brand-new power source from the indigenous
peoples of Pandora. Once again, they get their collective asses kicked, only
this time more severely, and with fire.
Avatar 4: The Way
of Wind
Here it is another several years later and those same nasty,
self-entitled, White Colonials (still pissed that they keep getting their
collective asses kicked) travel across Pandora in order to seize another new power
source, this time from the very planet of the indigenous peoples. But, once
again — that’s right — get their collective asses kicked.
A whole bunch of new nasty, self-entitled, White Colonials (pissed
that their friends got their collective asses kicked) arrive on Pandora so as
to seize spice from the giant sandworms that are ridden by the indigenous Na'vi Dessert Dwellers, and are surprised when they get their collective asses kicked.
Avatar 6: The Way to
Tipperary
Those very bad nasty, self-entitled, White Colonials (once
again surprisingly pissed that they got their collective asses kicked) travel back
across Pandora to seize a new and improved power source from a sacred place of
the indigenous peoples. Only to (surprise), get their collective asses kicked.
You will get to see even more nasty, self-entitled, White Colonials
(once again, eternally pissed that they keep getting their collective asses kicked)
travel to yet another sacred place on Pandora so as to seize a spanking-brand-new
power source from the indigenous peoples. And here’s a new twist to the story,
they get their collective asses seriously kicked.
This time the Na'vi are fed up with the constant waring on
their planet, and travel to Earth in order to confront the nasty, self-entitled,
White Colonials on their homeworld to once again, majorly kick their collective
asses, this time on TV by repeatedly not voting Kevin McCarthy as House
Speaker. (Yeah, I totally went there,.)
Yeah, I realize that I got seriously flip with my extended mini reviews, but here’s the rub. When thew first Avatar film came out Cameron was fairly-well roasted over the fact that his plot for that film read suspiciously like the plot to the Disneyfied version of Pocahontas. Now, having seen both films, we now feel that the film he will be retelling for the next 3,000 years of longing will, in fact, be Zulu (a 1964 film that recounted a 1879 battle where the Zulu nation hands the invading Colonial British armed forces a resounding defeat in battle; a defeat that will be echoed throughout history by the American Colonists, and virtually ever British protectorate for all times).
