I just recently read Web of Spider-Man #8, and I have a huge issue with a small portion of the storyline. I already sent a version of this post off as a missive off to the Spider-office, but as I'm reasonably certain that it probably won't see print, I wanted to share it here.

The specific sceen to which I’m referring is a one page bit that happens very early on in the story, before the main action, and does not in any way reveal anything of substance from the story itself, so you should be able to read this post without it ruining the overall story, if you haven’t already read it:

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Dear Spider-Writers:

I have something of an on-going gripe (yeah, who would have seen that coming, eh?) with the first story in Web of Spider-Man #8.

I’m really not enjoying the way that some (several, many) of you are portraying Peter. The first story of this particular issue is a prime example of what I mean. A newly-unemployed Pete is registering with a temp agency because he is now unemployable as a photographer (for faking the pic of JJJ). OK, I get all that. I can see how the bit is meant to be funny (“Peter Palmer?” “Parker.” “Palmer Parker?”) Yeah cute. Only what follows it totally out of character.

The Rep asks Pete about his use of “Word” “Excel” and “PowerPoint” (Microsoft’s word processing, spreadsheet, and slide generating programs) and Pete (apparently) hasn’t a clue as to what she is talking about. Really? You expect us to buy this drivel? Who do you think we are? I mean, seriously?

You want me to accept that when I was 7 Pete was 15, and now he is 20something and I am, well, much older. Fine, I’m good with that. You want me to believe that he was bitten by a radioactive spider and put on spandex to fight crime? I’m totally there. You want me to accept that he pals around with Norse gods, mutants, un-frozen WWII Super soldiers, and other assorted super-friends, you bet! The he married, er, lived with a supermodel? Abso-posa-lutely!

But now you want me to swallow that he doesn’t know the three most basic computer software programs that have been bundled with virtually every PC for like 20 years or better? Sorry, I’m just not buying it. Yeah, yeah I know that Pete can sometimes be something of a lunkhead (especially in social situations, mostly because he is a science nerd), but that’s my point entirely. HE’S A SCIENCE NERD!

At 15 he developed the unique polymer fluid that became his web fluid, as well as the means to dispense it (in multiple formats). He designed an electronic device that reacted to his Spider-sense (During Civil War there is a scene where Hank Pym is astounded that Pete built the tracer when he was 15, and states that — even by Pym’s standards — Pete is wicked smarter than him). Pete went on to graduate high school with top honors, get into ESU (on a full ride?), and go on to graduate school. Then work with and become employed by a number of scientists and hi-tech firms (including, but not limited to Dr. Connors, Reed Richards, and no less than Tony Stark himself).

You guys have to stop writing Peter like he’s a moron. He is a friggin genius! Can you imagine that someone who can MacGyver spare electronic parts together into something so high-tech could possibly NOT know software that is being used by Middle Schoolers (the audience, I might remind you that you are trying to reach)? Pete isn’t an aging baby boomer, he’s a technical whiz-kid of epic proportions! My son was doing fully animated PowerPoint presentations in the 5th grade, and built a web site in 7th. My daughter is doing Photoshop and video-editing as a HS freshman. Both learned keyboarding in grade school. You simply can’t convince me that someone who is clearly as smart as Peter is supposed to be (in science, math, biology, and chemistry) doesn’t know how to type, use a spreadsheet or the simplest graphic package ever built (hey, he obviously knows Photoshop, a much more complex program).

Sure, sure is a superhero and a photographer, but he’s also worked in a newspaper and around journalists, scientists, and engineers for 10 years or better. So you can tell me that he doesn’t know how to use a washing machine, an iron, or even a lawn mower, but please don’t try to insult my intelligence and tell me he doesn’t know (the simplest of) Microsoft programs. That really is just too much of a stretch!

Fall of the Hulks

OK, truth in Blogging time. I’m really not reading the Fall of the Hulks storyline — or, more to the point — I haven’t been faithfully reading it. I’ve only “sampled” the storyline, buy picking up the related comics that contain an appearance of Spider-Man. (Hey, you have your bias, and I have mine.) Anyways, from what I have been able to glean, Greg Pak & Jeph Loeb (a pair of writers whose work I do really enjoy), grew up on Dr. Seuss, and are now channeling him in their current work (Red Hulk, Green Hulk, Blue-Hulk(?), She-Hulk, Red She-Hulk, Savage Red She-Hulk, et. al. nausium.

All of which is not to say that I’m not enjoying the parts that I’m reading, all of which seems quite well written, and quite engaging. Still, there is a bottom to my wallet, and I’ve long since reached past it, so — as good as it is — I’m still going to have to pass on acquiring the full run (for now at least).

Still, near as I’ve been able to gather several of the very smart criminals (Leader, M.O.D.O.K., etc.) have taken it upon themselves to kidnap the eight (10?) most intelligent people in the world. Given that this is the Marvel Universe, those folks include Tony Stark, Hank Pym, Bruce Banner, Reed Richards, T'Challa, Hank McCoy, and possibly one or two others). My problem with this list is that it doesn’t include Peter Parker.

Surprised? You shouldn’t be (and n0, not just because I’m a Spidey-Geek), but because Pete is really a world-Class Scientist. Sure, sure, he hides it well (and the writing and editorial staff seem to be willing to conveniently forget this). Just for the record, I’m not the only one who thinks this. Back during Civil War, Tony hired Pete to work for Stark Enterprises, and not just because Pete (as Spidey) was an Avenger, but because Pete is positively brilliant. (Again, not just because I say so).

Nope, Hank Pym also says so. Again during Civil War, Pete (as Spidey) paid a visit to Pym at his scientific retreat, where Pym learned that Pete designed his web shooters as a 15-year-old and (thoroughly shocked), admitted to Spidey that he is smarter than Pym (Pym recently ascended to “Scientist Supreme in Mighty Avengers, so imagine how smart that makes Pete).

Thus, the only reason that I can think that Pete wasn’t included in the abduction list by the Intelligentsia, is because they simply don’t know who he is (this in spite of the fact that it has been made clear over the years that Pete has published a number of scientific papers). Still, he technically isn’t working as a scientist these days, and (as a freelance photographer) largely works below the radar). So, in this regard I’m going to give Pak & Loeb a pass, and enjoy the parts of the ride that I’m experience.

Still, someone from the Marvel Handbook crew is going to tell me how this story fits into the Siege storyline which is also currently ongoing throughout the Marvel books.