Friday, January 06, 2023

Avatar, the endless path

Well, we just this week watched the second James Cameron Avatar film, The Way of Water, and well, I want to give all’ya’all my quickie review of the film here on my blog before I post a longer, more reflective , review over on my HubPages site.

Still, to do that, I’m-a gonna have to give you my quickie review of the first film.

Avatar

A group of nasty, self-entitled, White Colonials travel across the galaxy to new planet to seize a power source from the sacred ground of the indigenous peoples. Only the hi-tech, highly militarized, Colonials get their collective asses kicked by the lo-tech (bow-and-arrow) indigenous peoples and are sent packing. 


Avatar 2: The Way of Water

Fifteen years later, those same nasty, self-entitled, White Colonials (pissed that they got their collective asses kicked) travel back across the galaxy in order to seize a brand-new power source from sacred creatures of the indigenous peoples. Once again, they get their collective asses kicked, only this time in water. 

For my next trick, as Cameron has announced several more Avatar films (one every two years from now to eternity and beyond, just like James Bond). So I’m going to (precognitively) deliver my reviews of the next six projected Avatar films.


Avatar 3: The Way of Fire

The nasty, self-entitled, White Colonials (who are still living on Pandora) attempt to seize another brand-new power source from the indigenous peoples of Pandora. Once again, they get their collective asses kicked, only this time more severely, and with fire. 

Avatar 4: The Way of Wind

Here it is another several years later and those same nasty, self-entitled, White Colonials (still pissed that they keep getting their collective asses kicked) travel across Pandora in order to seize another new power source, this time from the very planet of the indigenous peoples. But, once again — that’s right — get their collective asses kicked. 


Avatar 5: The Way of Desert

A whole bunch of new nasty, self-entitled, White Colonials (pissed that their friends got their collective asses kicked) arrive on Pandora so as to seize spice from the giant sandworms that are ridden by the indigenous Na'vi Dessert Dwellers, and are surprised when they get their collective asses kicked.  

Avatar 6: The Way to Tipperary

Those very bad nasty, self-entitled, White Colonials (once again surprisingly pissed that they got their collective asses kicked) travel back across Pandora to seize a new and improved power source from a sacred place of the indigenous peoples. Only to (surprise), get their collective asses kicked. 


Avatar 7: The Way to San Jose

You will get to see even more nasty, self-entitled, White Colonials (once again, eternally pissed that they keep getting their collective asses kicked) travel to yet another sacred place on Pandora so as to seize a spanking-brand-new power source from the indigenous peoples. And here’s a new twist to the story, they get their collective asses seriously kicked.

 

Avatar 8: The Way of the House Speaker


This time the Na'vi are fed up with the constant waring on their planet, and travel to Earth in order to confront the nasty, self-entitled, White Colonials on their homeworld to once again, majorly kick their collective asses, this time on TV by repeatedly not voting Kevin McCarthy as House Speaker. (Yeah, I totally went there,.)

 

Yeah, I realize that I got seriously flip with my extended mini reviews, but here’s the rub. When thew first Avatar film came out Cameron was fairly-well roasted over the fact that his plot for that film read suspiciously like the plot to the Disneyfied version of Pocahontas. Now, having seen both films, we now feel that the film he will be retelling for the next 3,000 years of longing will, in fact, be Zulu (a 1964 film that recounted a 1879 battle where the Zulu nation hands the invading Colonial British armed forces a resounding defeat in battle; a defeat that will be echoed throughout history by the American Colonists, and virtually ever British protectorate for all times). 



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