What’s so new about this...?

A couple of years ago when Spider-Man was invited to join a new line-up of Avengers (and the invitation was extended by none other than the most august personage of Captain America himself), I was totally wowed. I thought it was perhaps the coolest thing that could have happened to Spidey. I figured that finally, he was going to get the respect he so richly deserved, and for about a year or so he did.

Then came Marvel’s Civil War Event. At the time, I had stated that I wasn’t sure that I was going to enjoy the world on the other side of the Event, but I was really enjoying the ride to get there. Well, after Civil War, there was Back in Black (not so horrendous), but then came One More Day, and Brand New Day, and well, you already know how distraught I am over that.

Now, I’m reading New Avengers, and the Secret Invasion storyline, and well, here again, I'm sort of interested in what they are going to screw up do here. So I come to New Avengers #40, and what do I see, not a New Avengers story, but a Skrull history story — not so bad, but seriously, as I just said, I bought this comic to read a New Avengers story. This so clearly wasn’t what I wanted to read, that I was irritated (yes, even more irritated than I usually am these days). Sure Spider-Woman appeared at the end of the story, but these days, she’s with the Mighty not New Avengers, so that really didn’t do anything for me.

At this point I can’t help but to wish that all of these endless “event” stories all tumbling into one another turn fandom off so badly that most of ’em stop buying the comics, that way Marvel (and DC, by the way) can go back to just telling stories. without having to resort to trickery to get us to buy the comics.

I’m Mad as Hell, and I’m not going to take it any more!

This is going to take a while, so I beg your indulgence for the full run of my — admittedly — rather lengthy rant.

Yep, that’s right. I not a happy camper. Why (you may ask)? Well, it’s simple, it has been 10 issues of Brand New Day Spidey (11 if you count the Swing Shift Director's Cut one-shot). And no, I'm not going to rehash the stuff I’ve said about this in the past. All of that was (essentially) sight unseen of the new direction, and simply reacting to the concept. Now with 10 (11) issues under our collective belts, I can comment on where we actually are.

Let’s start out here: I have never seen such bad, formalistic, cliché-ridden dreck in the pages of Spider-Man in my life. Seriously. This isn’t so much Spider-Man as it is Spider-Mania (not Spider-Man, but in incredible simulation) and not even a good one at that. What do I mean? Well in the space of the nine issues of Amazing Spider-Man all of the following things have happened:


1. Peter has been mugged (his wallet and web shooter were stolen)
2. Pete lost his shoes while chasing said mugger
3. Spidey has been blamed for a series of muggings by a Spider-masked wearing bandit
4. Peter not only lost not only the mugger that stole his stuff, but (just a couple of issues later) another one that ripped off the donation box at the soup kitchen were Aunt May works
5. As Peter, apparently caused a heart attack in JJJ
6. Was forced (as Spider-Man) to give a vial of his (irradiated) blood to a supervillain
7. Has (as Spider-Man) been accused of five murders
8. As Spider-Man is being sued by a guy who's life he saved
9. As Spidey, gets the crap kicked out of him by a new supervillain
10. As Spidey is accidentally involved in the death of a NYC Council woman who is running for mayor
11. Rips the seat of his Spidey costume and flashes a crowd of bystanders
12. As Peter is forced to wash and repair his costume (oh where is the Mary Jane Comiquette now?)

Now, this may seem like an ordinary series of events in the life of Spidey, but I (who have been reading Spider-Man longer than Marvel Editor-in-Chief, and chief architect of OMD/BND Joe Quesada has been alive) say it simply ain’t so.

I remember back in the early ‘70s when Stan left the writing chores to others, who seemed to understand (at least superficially) what Spidey was, but not who he was. That is to say, they knew the formula, but didn’t understand the motivations. Thus, for a time Spidey literally stumbled from one crises to another. We were give “the illusion of change, with any actual change.”

Those of us who lived through that era call it The Bronze Age, and no, not fondly.

Spider-Man has long been described as Charlie Brown in tights, only that is so not true. Neither Peter Parker nor Spider-Man are losers. Sure, sure they are both habitually beset by the drama of the world that swirls around them, but neither one of them can truly be described as a loser. Science geek, sure; social nerd, without a doubt; a loner and something of a misunderstood misfit withing the superhero community; perhaps (though not so much lately — except for that whole Civil War/Superhero Registration Act thing), but a loser? Never. Not Spider-Man

I don’t read the comicstrip Cathy. I Stopped watching Cheers during the second season; and I certainly don’t buy any For Dummies or Idiot’s Guide to anything. Why? Well, the books (I feel) insult my intelligence and As for the others I can’t stand reading about someone who is always a whiner (Cathy) and the Cheers group simply stopped being interesting when they kept looking at themselves as if they were all losers. I don’t hang with those types of people in real life, so why would I seek them out as a form of entertainment?

The story of Spider-Man is the story of the struggle of the common man against the greater forces of nature. When Stan (co)created Spidey, he envisioned him as the anti-Superman. In Superman you have an adult male, who is a respected reporter for a daily metropolitan newspaper. Superman is (and always has been) a well-respected cultural icon. He has never been wanted by the police, never had a bad hair day, and never been on the losing end of anything. By contrast, Peter couldn't get a date, was constantly bullied by a classmate, was constantly being lorded over by his boss, and the cops are never really sure of his standing.

To be sure, the other superheroes always respected Spidey, and yeah, he did date some of the hottest women in comics (eventually marrying one of them — or, did he??) Casting him in the role of a hapless loser is just wrong (Oh, yeah, I also don’t actually like any of the Harry Potter films, because he isn’t so much of a hero as someone who is buffeted about by the forces around him,and is always saved at the last minute by someone else’s intervention).

Spider-Man is a hero. He stands up to villains with far greater power and ability than himself! Peter Parker is a certifiable genius. He designed his web shooters when he was 15! To write them any other way is simply not understanding either character. Loading Spider-Man up with all sorts of random obstacles over which he has to come is just stupid, and a bad approach to not only the character, but simply bad writing. I don’t read the comic to see how much Crap can be dumped on him by the writers, I read it to see the hero who is Peter Parker rise up and become.

I watched The Pursuit of Happyness, and while it was a powerful film, it was easily the most depressing film I had ever seen, because every time this guy turned a corner something worse happened to him, and yes, while he eventually overcame all obstacles for two hours I just got more and more depressed. I don’t want to read the on-going life story each and every month of this guy. I just don’t. But this is what Brand New Day is fast becoming. There are no clear-cut victories, there are just missed opportunities, loses, and “better than being poked in the eye with a stick, only not by much.”


I don’t like reading Spider-Man much these days. I hope it gets better, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon — and that just gets me depressed.

>Brand New Day, an Update of sorts

In light of the comments I’ve made about this topic, both here, over at Cuppacafe (my “other” blogspace), PopThought and on Newsweek.com I want to weigh back in with not only some personal observations, but what some of my fellow Spiderophiles feel on the subject.

No, I haven’t changed my mind on the topic, even after having read Amazing Spider-Man #546 (unavoidable aside; if that last link doesn’t work it is only because the ASM reviewer for SpiderFan hasn’t posted it by the time I’ve posted this. Swing back in a day or two and it should work just fine by then.) Truth is I’ve finally forced myself to actually read the issue (and yes, I do mean forced — it sat on my desk for a couple of days as I pointedly ignored it, then it was everything I could to to sit still through reading all the words. Painful doesn’t begin to describe the tension and anxieties I felt during the read.

No, I’m not kidding. I felt that everything that I read during the past two decades become unraveled as I read. It hurt. Spider-Man is no longer being written by fans, he has become a corporate entity being controlled by a faceless, soulless corporate entity who cares not one whit for the character but only for the bottom line. (Hell’s Bells, I’m almost surprised that they didn’t turn him into an African-American, Muslim in the process, I mean, there’s an entire demographic that they are not reaching with depicting Peter Parker as a white male.)

But, (in the words of Peter David) I Digress.

I still haven’t Read Amazing Spider-Man #547 or the Marvel Spotlight One More Day/Brand New Day, but I’ve been chatting with the folks over at SpiderFan, and I’m now willing to go out on this limb:

I think that we are being taken for a ride.

Think about this, (I’m about to go all Spider-Geek/fanboy here, so bear with me for a bit). With the conclusion of One More Day, Marvel canceled the The Sensational Spider-Man, and Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man (the other on-going Spider-Titles) and changed Amazing Spider-Man into a three-times-a-month title. This means that Amazing (currently at issue #547) will reach issue #600 in 18 months, rather than in something like four-and-a-half-years. The reports that I am seeing indicate that this storyline will last 18 months. Anyone starting to see a pattern?

This is what I think. The entirety of Brand New Day is either taking place in the mind of Peter Parker, or Mephisto has moved him to a pocket universe (Think Heroes Reborn)

As stated, Mephisto is to be considered Marvel’s equivalent of Satan, (who has often referred to as “The Prince of Lies”). Hence he is not to be trusted. Further, it has never been demonstrated that Mephisto has the ability to undo time on this level. Quite simply; he does not have this much power. His sole abilities are essentially smoke and mirrors. Hence this is a trick.

Where does that leave us? Well, in limbo so to speak. This storyline will be used to test the waters to see if history can be unmade, and to see how it will reflect in sales. With issue #600 things will revert back to the end of the Civil War, with Spidey shoved back in the main timestream. As to whether or not his marriage to MJ will be restored, or Aunt May will survive, I’m not sure.

I have nothing at all on which to base any of this information save for 45+ years of reading comics in general and Spider-Man in particular. Plus there have been a couple of clues that lead me to believe what I say is true:

*** SPOILER ALERT *** SPOILER ALERT *** SPOILER ALERT *** SPOILER ALERT ***

In Amazing #545 (post Mephisto) we have Pete making the following comment “Well, you know what they say, Harry, speak of the Devil and he appears”(click image to left). This is made at a party where the long-dead (since Spectacular #200, May 1993) shows up after apparently detoxing in Europe instead of being, well, dead). We were told that the only change to continuity was the marriage itself, yet here is Harry Osborn. WTF? Seems like someone is playing fast and loose with the concept of “only.” My feeling that it is either Marvel editorial, or Mephisto, personally, I’m currently leaning towards Mephisto (the afore-mentioned “Prince of Lies”).

Next up, we see Harry respond to this toast with a curious gleam in his eye.



Then, in Amazing #546, in one of the back-up stories, we have Harry making the following comment (see image to right). I have to be honest, this is not the way Harry talks, er, talked. (He’s dead, remember?) Seriously, the Harry I remember was pretty much of a poser and a pansy. He was a mama’s boy being raised by a wealthy, over-bearing, disinterested, megalomaniac father, who was more interested in killing his son’s best friend (Spidey) than in raising his own son (Harry). This Harry is something of a spoiled rich brat than the confused, down-to-earth, drug-addict we all remember.

This is not Harry. This is Mephisto injecting himself into Peter’s delusion, so as to add to Peter’s pain and suffering. (Mephestio, as you may recall, is all about the pain and suffering of others, so this is actually entirely in character for Mephisto.)

*** END OF SPOILER ALERT *** END OF SPOILER ALERT *** END OF SPOILER ALERT *** END OF SPOILER ALERT ***

The only real problem is that I neither trust Marvel to pull this off (The Clone Saga started out just fine — exciting, in fact — then eventually degenerated into a long, overly-drawn-out, mishandled mess) Need more examples? The Other, Sins of our Fathers, That storyline with the Sider Queen, The whole attempt to retcon Spidey’s abilities into a more pseudo-mystical-based abilities? The past several years of Spider-Man have been one discarded storyline after another. No wonder Joe Q. wants so desperately wants to return to the Glory days of Spidey, because no one seems to know what to do with the character.

Needless to say, if editorial could stop mucking around in his life, and let the very talented writers they have hired actually write some interesting stories rather than mandating then abandoning “event” storylines perhaps we’d have some powerful storylines (like The Tablet storyline — a personal favorite of mine). Which brings me back to where I started. I think we are being fed a bill of goods, and all of this is just one more “event” that is designed to waste time and be a big buildup to sell more books. I could be wrong, but I’m not so sure.

The thing of which I am sure, is that Marvel will somehow lose its nerve and screw the entire thing up, and then be forced to scramble around in order to find a way to fix yet another travesty in bad editorial management and direction.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

~~~~~~
I would like to thank my buddy Patrick over at SpiderFan for his invaluable help in hunting down several bits of Spider-Trivia while I was writing this column.

Oh, yeah, I’d also like to include a link to what someone else has to say about this style of what he calls “top down” editing

More Blowback About One More Day

Yeah, Yeah, I’ve ranted on and on about how horrendous the entire One More Day Storyline In Spider-Man is, so I’m guessing that you folk understand that I’ a bit peeved about the whole situation, Well that’s nothing to what these folks are feeling.



That’s right, Spider-Fans are going to YouTube to express their extreme displeasure with what they are being forced fed by Marvel Editorial (and when I say Marvel Editorial, what I mean is Joe Q)



I mean, seriously, these people are clearly upset over what they feel is a huge betrayal by Marvel. To these fans, Spidey isn’t just some two-dimensional, fictional character, he is a part of their lives, and they are clearly mad as Hell, and not going to take it any longer.



One can only wonder what is currently going on in the Marvel offices as this stuff hits the Internet with no sign of let-up.



Amen to that, brother. Amen. Check out more Spidey/anti-One More Day vids.

One More Day is a Bad Idea, Executed Badly

I think that this is what irks me the most. Joe Q. keeps saying that he wants to bring Spidey back to what made him great. Well one of the things that made him great was his humanity, and that, ostensibly, he lives in the real world (anyone out there besides me remember Stan’s comments about his heroes living in the “Real” world? Hence New York rather than “Metropolis,” “Gotham City,” et. al.?) Well then, how many people do you know that make a deal with the Devil to annul their marriage? To save the lives of their aunt?

No. This is plain and simple a bad idea, executed badly. So it really doesn’t matter how well any stories that follow it may or may not be written, they are based on a sloppy premise. Any truly talented writer can spin a story out of pretty much anything. Any truly talented writer would have figured out a better way to work this out.

Personally, I really don’t have any major objection to the dissolution of Peter and MJ’s marriage. My problem is to the off-handedly cavalier way it was done. It violets the precepts of who the character is, and one can only assume if Aunt May knew what Peter and MJ did to bring her back,m she would have bitch-slapped the both of them

Protest One More Day Now...Avoid the Rush!

Well boys and girls, I hope you all had a happy year-end festivities (It is Festivus for the Restofus!) I know I did. Spent the last six or so weeks of the year working on a big project for a brand-spankin’ new client of mine (racking up a ton of hours sos I can pay for my own little shindig)

Well, all of that aside. I have a new rant that I want to lay down on you all, and as you can see, it is about the latest crap being foisted on us by Marvel in the absence of any real story content. Yes, I mean One More Day. As you all know, this is a retcon (or retroactive continuity implant) that is being gengeneered by Marvel, or — more specifically — by Joe Quesada who has long held that Peter Parker’s marriage to Mary Jane Watson was a mistake.

All of which is fine, but instead of simply having the two of them break up, separate, or get divorced (some of these storylines have already been explored in the series), he had Mephisto — Marvel’s literary substitute for Satan — neither of which are Spidey villains) pop in to “trade Peter’s marriage” for the life of May Parker. That’s right, he had Peter cut a Faustian deal with the Devil.

OK, let’s ignore for a minute that utilizing Mephisto as a (if you’ll pardon the expression) Deus ex Machina to “fix” a problem that only Joe Q seems to have is a not only a huge conceit on Quasada’s part, but something that comes out of nowhere for the character and fans (especially the utilization of a non-cannon character to manipulate the events). Let us also ignore that cutting a deal with “the Prince of Lies” is, well, stupid beyond belief.

Yeah, yeah, I know that Peter was desperate because the bullet that put May in a coma was meant for him, and yea, it was because he (wrongly) sided with Tony Stark during the Civil War Event, and then stupidly revealed his identity to the world before switching sides and taking up with Captain America. (All of which was manipulated, but again let’s ignore all of that.) Let’s talk about the fact that this ending (the use of Mephisto) was considered and then dismissed as unbelievable as a possible ending for The Clone Saga.



*** SPOILER WARNING *** SPOILER WARNING *** SPOILER WARNING *** SPOILER WARNING ***

Joe Q. has stated that the only thing that The Mephisto Deal has effected is the actual marriage of Pete and MJ. He has indicated that they have spent the past several years together as live-in lovers, but never actually got married, OK, that’s all well and good, but then why, at the end of Amazing Spider-Man #545 did the long dead Harry Osborne show up? Does this mean he never died? Did he ever marry and have little Normie? Are there any other inconsistencies in previously-established Spider-continuity? At this point, we don’t know.

*** END OF SPOILER WARNING *** END OF SPOILER WARNING *** END OF SPOILER WARNING *** END OF SPOILER WARNING ***

What we do know is that this is a seminal and earth-shaking an event as the death of Gwen Stacy The one important difference is that the Death of Gwen moved the series forward, this moves it backwards, and we are all the poorer because of it.

My suggestion is that you read the book and make your own decision and write to Joe and Marvel (as well as post on whatever blogs and board to which you regularly post) and let them know what you think.

If you haven’t as of yet patched into what I think, here it is. I think that One More Day is a bone-headed, badly conceived, poorly-executed, sloppily written act of self-indulgent, intellectual masturbation that disrespects us fans, the pros who have been writing Spider-Man for the past couple or three decades, and is the ultimate form of cop-out that loudly proclaims to the world that not only has Marvel run out of ideas, but that it’s writers and editors really can’t write themselves out of a paper bag.

It is a really bad idea that is so bad it really isn’t an idea as much as it is the admission that no one has an Idea, and anyone that actually does, simply isn’t to be tolerated, and will be asked to leave the room.

This entire dirty episode is such a reflection of what is going on culturally and politically in this country that it is an effin shame. Still, that topic is the subject of an entirely separate rant. For now I’m done, and will move on to other topics for a bit.

I thank you all for your indulgence, and respectfully ask that you leave comments expressing your own views, observations, and concerns. Personally, I’m going to have a strong drink, shake the dust off my dry bones, and hope I live long enough to see this contemptible mockery be put to rest and Spider-Man be reverted to his former glory.



UPDATE *** EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! *** UPDATE

This just in, I’ve been quoted by Newsweek on this storyline. Yes, you read that right, Newsweek!

How Wicked-Cool is that, eh?